Meeting him, love at first sight,
Being kissed under the star light
Weekend nights shared partying with friends
Disagreeing with boyfriend, then making amends

Finally getting license, then first car
Getting job, money to drive afar
Learning about nature, traveling the earth
Learn to skydive, even to surf

Smiling and laughing, planning dream wedding,
Exchanging vows at the perfect setting
News of baby brings such happiness
Doesn’t mind body changes, hair a mess

Comforted in her husbands devoted love
Feeling she’s blessed from heaven above
That’s not me, not my life
Instead I became a battered wife

by Angela Hutcherson-Jenkins
xeson@yahoo.com

by Angela Hutcherson-Jenkins
xeson@yahoo.com

by Angela Hutcherson-Jenkins
UNFORGIVABLE

I don’t know how to make you see
How your actions have affected me

Your old enough if you want to drink beer
But I shouldn’t have to live life in fear

You know you’re violent when drinking a fact
Why should I tolerate your physical attack?

Three nights ago, when in a drunken fit
It was me while pregnant you choose to hit

Blows to my stomach, knocked to the floor
Caused me to race to the emergency room door

You knew I was pregnant our child I carry
But your assault on me, caused me to miscarry

I can’t ever forgive you, for what you’ve done
Because of the violence, we lost our daughter or son

I was in an abusive relationship for 3 years and he abused me in all aspects. I found the will the leave him when he attempted to hit me while I was 3 months pregnant with our son. At that moment, I couldn’t leave for myself, but I could leave for my baby and I was gone the next week. It’s been a difficult journey because I still see this man and speak to him because of the child we share. He has continued to be verbally, emotionally and once even physically abusive to me in front of our son. We go to court at the end of the month and I’m praying the court will see the kind of man he is and will help me in protecting myself and my son. I wrote the following poem depicting my journey and my realization. I could only be his victim as long as I allowed myself to be and I refuse to be his victim. I hope you all enjoy this poem:

-NO MORE- By Ashley P.
A life that has for so long been controlled by manipulation and fear, So many times left broken and in tears.
Broken bones and bruises followed by promises allowed to heal, Names and accusations, confusion at the appeal.
Was it really appeal, or just a distorted view?
A victim of the lies, a victim of “I don’t know what to do”.
Attempts to do what’s right, attempts to inspire change,
Feelings of defeat when things remained the same.
A will to be happy, a will to stand fear in the face,
Determination to finally escape this dreadful place.
Emergence out of darkness, finally able to see the light,
Finally the courage to stand up and fight the fight.
No more being afraid, no more running away,
No more looking back and living like yesterday.
No! no more being afraid, not one more excuse,
No longer a victim, but a survivor of abuse.

I am survivor. I have been out of the relationship since June 2010. I was hospitalized for the most recent incident in June with a fractured lumbar spine and multiple contusions to my face/head. Two black eyes, both lips fat, broken nose and other numerous bruises over my body. If I didn’t hide in the woods he would have killed me. He is in jail and the trial is starting September 30th. I saw the evidence pictures for the first time 3 days ago. When I saw the pictures of what he had done to me, it became real. Up until then it all seemed like a dream. The court is saying that this is one of the most heinous crimes against another person they have seen in a very long time. As hard as it was to see the pictures, they gave me a sense of empowerment. I do not want to be labeled as a victim, I want to be labeled as a survivor. I am thinking of starting my own blog to share my story and to inform people of the court process & things like that. I am ready to share my story with the world.

” I will no longer hide these wounds of mine. I will bear them gracefully. They tell a resurrection story.”

Ntozake Shange, “sorry”

one thing i don’t need
is any more apologies
i got sorry greeting me at my front door
you can keep yrs
i don’t know what to do wit em
they don’t open doors
or bring the sun back
they don’t make me happy
or get a morning paper
didn’t nobody stop using my tears to wash cars
cuz a sorry

i am simply tired
of collection
i didn’t know
i was so important to you
i’m gonna haveta throw some away
i cant get to the clothes in my closet
for alla the sorries
i’m gonna tack a sign to my door
leave a message by the phone
‘if you called to say yr sorry
call somebody else
i dont use em anymore’
i let sorry/ didnt meanta/ & how cd i know abt that
take a walk down a dark & musty street in brooklyn
i’m gonna do exactly what i want to
& i wont be sorry for none of it
letta sorry soothe yr soul/ i’m gonna soothe mine

you were always inconsistent
doin somethin & then bein sorry
beatin my heart to death
talkin bout you sorry
well
i will not call
i’m not goin to be nice
i will raise my voice
& scream & holler
& break things
& race the engine
& tell all yr secrets bout yrself to yr face
& i will list in detail everyone of my wonderful lovers
& their ways
i will play oliver lake
loud
& i wont be sorry for none of it

i loved you on purpose
i was open on purpose
i still crave vulnerability
& close talk
& i’m not even sorry
bout you bein sorry
you can carry all the guilt
& grime ya wanna
just don’t give it to me
i cant use another sorry
next time
you should admit
you’re mean/ low-down/ triflin/ & no count straight out
stead a being sorry all a the time
enjoy being yourself.

” Do you not know you are God’s temple and that God’s spirit dwells in you? If any one destroys God’s temple, God will destroy him. For God’s temple is holy, and that temple you are”. ( 1 Cor. 3: 16-17)

reader wrote: i wrote this 27 years ago

tiny screams-shattered silence
small moans-never heard
scars too big-tiny lives battered
tiny lips, bloody-utter not a word
a lie covers a bruise
sad eyes-look away
i’ll not tell-not ever
the way that i’ve been “used”
secret pain-inside, no way out
dark and dreary in here
no use in crying-don’t pout
cause theres no way out
by asa

Printed with permission from author Angela Hutcherson-Jenkins
lulu.com/xeson

All these things you’ve given to me
Bruises, Marks,
Screams, Hurts,
Unfounded Accusations…
Total isolation…
Threats, Terror,
Nightmares, tears,
Emotional High…
Worried I’ll die…
Low self-esteem,
Hurtful remarks,
Unwanted lust…
Slaps, Mistrust…
Broken bones,
Hitting, Pushing,
Shoving, Fighting…
Endless lying…
Humiliation, Misuse,
Emotional abuse,
No Friends, No family, No Help
Is this really what love is?

Poem was printed with permission from the talented author
Angela Hutcherson-Jenkins
she offers many poetry books free to download and hardcopies for sale at lulu.com/xeson

Can’t go to the police
I don’t want to admit…
I’m frighten of my spouse
When in an uncontrollable fit…
The constant screaming and shouting
Being accused of having affairs…
Being woken from sleep to
Death threats, and hate filled stares…
All my calls are monitored
I hate when the phone rings…
Secret meeting with my lover
To arrange, so it seems…
Never interact with my coworkers
Ignore every opposite sex friend…
Talking to them i’m accused
A sexually invitation I send…
Can’t go living this way
Have to change my life…
But, who will believe a
Husband abused by his wife…

Poem was printed with permission from the talented author
Angela Hutcherson-Jenkins
she offers many poetry books free to download and hard copies for sale at lulu.com/xeson

The first grade teacher explained,
Daddies are different, none the same,
“Tommy, tells us about your dad”…
Wanting to refused he got mad…
Mommy told him never to say..
But teacher said he had to today…
Knowing he’d be in trouble if he ran…
Looking at teacher, he quietly began…
My daddy is huge, tall and strong…
Says everything mommy does is wrong…
Hits my mommy, makes her cry…
Most everyday I don’t know why…
Knocks her down on the floor…
She hit her head on the door…
Says he’d find her if we leave…
Claims he loves us, I don’t believe…
Leaves bruises all over her face…
Said, if I told, I’d get a taste…
Room got quiet, for they knew…
This isn’t what their daddies do …

Poem was printed with permission from the talented author
Angela Hutcherson-Jenkins
she offers many poetry books free to download and hardcopies for sale at Tommy’s Daddy

The first grade teacher explained,
Daddies are different, none the same,
“Tommy, tells us about your dad”…
Wanting to refused he got mad…
Mommy told him never to say..
But teacher said he had to today…
Knowing he’d be in trouble if he ran…
Looking at teacher, he quietly began…
My daddy is huge, tall and strong…
Says everything mommy does is wrong…
Hits my mommy, makes her cry…
Most everyday I don’t know why…
Knocks her down on the floor…
She hit her head on the door…
Says he’d find her if we leave…
Claims he loves us, I don’t believe…
Leaves bruises all over her face…
Said, if I told, I’d get a taste…
Room got quiet, for they knew…
This isn’t what their daddies do …

Poem was printed with permission from the talented author

she offers many poetry books free to download and hardcopies for sale at lulu.com/xeson